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People keep falling in love. They find someone with whom they want to be and then after some time may end up falling out of love. The difficulty seems to be in not knowing how to stay in love. Enduring love requires learning how to become a loving caring companion. What we know that in the US statistics show that about half the marriages end up in divorce. Yet many of the divorced people end up remarrying and the statistics for those marriages lasting are even worse.

What these statistics show is that long lasting relationships take work. Relationships have to shift from the early physical falling in love stage to caring about growing together.

The task in a healthy relationship is to learn to operate on two levels simultaneously. It is vital for each individual to take responsibility for their own development and at the same time learn to care about the well being of the unit they have formed. Simply put the question to ask is “how will what I want to do affect my relationship.”

In my work with couples I have encountered many men and women who are very concerned about their personal development and career advancement and who do not know what they need to do in order to strengthening the relational bond.

Enduring love is a contract of mutual dependence between two people. The contract is to support each other emotionally and physically as they grow together while at the same time being supportive of each others personal development.

Each person has to learn to think on two levels: about self and simultaneously of the partner. This is where I see the process breaking down. I have seen many couples where each acts like a married single and where they leave the relationship growth up to chance. They have not known that the question they need to ask themselves is “am I behaving in a loving way towards my partner”. A major part of healthy love is to be a love worthy person.

To be love worthy involves accepting ones partner with all their humanity and imperfections. It includes caring about the fact that both need to be OK, if one is struggling finding ways to be supportive, sharing activities, enjoying each others company. Love includes showing gratitude towards the other, holding each other accountable and being friends.

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Source by Kristina Von Rosenvinge