Anger and Stress Management – Amazing Skill That Helps Calm Anger in Seconds

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The Experience

Last week I was listening to someone speak that I was with all day. They were having trouble remembering what day it was. I kept saying it was Tuesday and they would reply, “Oh, it is Thursday”. Then minutes later they would ask again, “What day is it?” This went on for about 20 times in an hour.

I thought they were joking or having an Alzheimer’s attack. I was feeling scared yet getting very frustrated at the same time. I never saw this behavior before from her. What a shocking change. As I was becoming more frustrated that was turning to anger, I stopped and thought how to change these feelings and consciousness I was in.

I thought, let me use silent empathy and see how this may be for them. Amazingly, the anger, frustration and fear lifted and I was calm again. Only a few seconds it took, and what a change. I then offered this empathy guess to them, and they also calmed down in seconds. It was amazing to watch this change… so quickly and to see the quieting effect.

The process?

I enjoy the definition of empathy as a deep understanding of what another may be experiencing. No, it is not feeling the feelings, yet identifying someone’s values that may be satisfied or not satisfied. Yes, it is only a guess that develops a huge connection and trust with another. Some values may be trust, compassion, clarity, to be understood. There are many values that may be guessed. A model of guessing is simply: Are you wanting more understanding? See it is a guess, I am not telling them what they need. As I do this a few times while listening to them, I also start to enjoy more understanding that develops a nice bonding and trust.

Silent Empathy:

I silently guessed what values she might be needing, yet first her feelings I guessed. Feelings from their experience of not remembering the day, my guess was frustration, fear, sadness, dismay, maybe exhaustion. This part had a large impact on my shifting to calm.

Values: Then I silently guessed, maybe she was wanting understanding of what was going on with the memory, ease and support. So many more values. For practice, can you guess additional feelings and needs if you were in this experience?

For more practice

Whether at work or in a personal situation, if you become angry or frustrated at another, try this technique of silent empathy. It takes only seconds and can help you feel calm and more compassionate.

Taking a few deep breaths, may you find ease and compassion in your week!

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Source by Rick Goodfriend